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Today has been full of questions.  I have often been told that I ask too many questions.  In situations where I shouldn’t be asking them, e.g. movie theaters, sermons (some may argue this one) and meetings where I am taking minutes, I always want to raise my hand at some point during the event.  And today has been no exception, except I am at least asking them at appropriate days.

It is only noon, and I have already asked more than can be answered.

To my boss:  Can I please have another project?
As a result, to colleagues: Can you please get me this answer?

To my coworker: Can you please explain these things to me?

To my professor: Can you please explain the proper way to cite these sources?

To my husband: Is typing without looking at the keys more like learning a language or learning to drive a car?

To myself: Did you enjoy the spaghetti?  Are you going to the gym after work?  How are you ever going to finish your assignments?

Life is just full of questions, and I know that they will never stop.

The great thing about this is that I am totally alright with that!  I knew who I was!

Quote by Voltaire

An amazing thing has happened while I have been trying to find something to fill my cravings – I have stopped craving!  I honestly did not think that I would stop wanting chips and popcorn when I am hungry or in the mood to eat.  Which is dumb, because I want to want it!  Now at night, I eat crap less.  I sometimes still do eat something but not because I am hungry, but because I just think that I should be eating.  The great thing about this is that I have started to recognize the difference between being hungry and just wanted to eat something.  I have never been able to do this before.  I am also choosing and wanting to eat healthier options.  Don’t get me wrong, I am still eating crap way too often, but not as often as before.

While this great thing for me has happened because of giving things up for Lent, it has not caused me to focus on God as much as I wanted it to.  God does asks us “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.”  I feel that when I make wise decisions about how I treat my body, when I eat right and exercise, I am treating the body that God lent me with respect and that I am recognizing Him in my life.

The goal now for the rest of Lent for me is not only to continue doing what I have been doing along with exercising, but to also recognize exactly why I am making these choices.  When I prepare my breakfast/lunch/dinner in the morning, I want to think about the fact that God grew those strawberries and cucumbers for me to eat, He used His people to plant the ingredients that make the hummus and wheat bread, He gave me the animals that were sacrificed for my turkey and salami, and He gave me my beautiful hands to put it all together into a meal.  When I drive to work I will thank Him for the incredible sunrise/rain/snow that I am driving through.  When I am working I will appreciate every moment because so many are not working.  When I am walking on the treadmill, instead of complaining I will praise THE LORD that I have legs that move when my brain tells them to.  When I lay my head down at night I will realize how blessed I am for the wonderful man laying next to me and for the perfect cat purring on my pillow.

And at this moment, in the class that I should be paying attention in, while I am typing on my Mac, I am in awe of His creations, His blessings, and the amazing days that He gives to me.

Quote by Arthur Koestler

This weekend was definitely a challenging one for a couple of reasons.  First, a bag of chips kept falling off the top of the fridge saying, “Eat me eat me!”  I didn’t.  Second, my aunt made the best dip ever and the chips were sitting next to it saying, “I am way better than the celery option!”  I ate the celery.  I am actually fairly proud of myself for being so strong but I know that it wasn’t just me keeping me strong.  I had a lot of help from the big guy upstairs.

I am feeling almost 100% healthy this week, but I am starting it off tired.  It will again be a full week and weekend, so I am hoping to get some quality me time as well and me-and-Justin time, but that doesn’t always work out.

Church Council is tonight.  I really enjoy it, but there are always some challenging moments.  When we talk a lot about money and policy it is hard for me to remember that we are doing God’s work and His will is always done.  I cannot forget that first I need to pray and then I can make wise decisions.

As far as the Oscars last night, I was surprised by some of the winners and came away with many more movies that I should watch.  Before last night, I had no desire to watch Precious, but I might want to, and I definitely want to see The Blind Side.  I may watch The Hurt Locker, but it is not a top priority.  I loved Sandra Bullock’s speech and Jeff Bridges’.

Along with trying to eat healthier, I am going to dedicate time in my days this week to exercise.  I haven’t stayed consistent enough doing so, and I know that when I do, I feel so much more alive.

It’s all in God’s hands.

Quote by A.H. Weiler

I have spent time the last few days reading old posts.  I have learned a couple of things through this.

1. I was a normal teenager, just like my mom said.  Moody, ornery, crazy, selfish, rude, happy, ecstatic, independent, reliant on other, and so forth.
2. The most horrible days of my life were easily erased by my cute boyfriend, time spent with friends, and God.
3. I had a lot of “this is the worst day ever”s.

Reading these posts helped me realize that no matter what problems were happening in my life, I made it through!  Even though it appears that some weeks I was basically bipolar, it didn’t kill me.  A common thread that wove through most topics was the presence of God.

We are taught many things through the Bible.  God tells us that He will not give us more than we can bear in life.  Being a teenage girl, I often felt that I was given more than I could possibly handle, but look at me now!  I am 6 years past being a teenage girl!  Jesus says that He will walk with us through life; nothing that happens will we have to encounter alone.

1 Peter 5:6-7 (The Message) says “So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.”

Now relating this to my Lenten sacrifices… Giving up chips and popcorn, which sometimes feels painful, is truly not that difficult.  God is walking next to me saying, “Thank you for doing this for me.  You will make it until April 4th.  I have no doubt, because I care for you, I love you, and I am right here.”

Quote by Benjamin Franklin

As I understand it, if you are Catholic and practicing Lent, on Sundays you get a break from your sacrifice.  I have decided that I am not going to do it this way.  On Sundays, Thursdays, Tuesdays and every other day, I am going to continue my devotion to avoiding my vices.  The way I see it, Jesus, hanging on the cross, did not say, “Ok this sucks.  Let me take 10 minutes and then I will come back up here.” If He didn’t get a break, either do I.

It is amazing to go through this Lenten journey alongside other people.  An important woman in my life told me today about what she is adding for Lent.  It was incredible to see her devotion.  No matter how religious you are, adding something to your life or taking something away for 40 days and nights is a great act of self control.  My hope is that it will become a habit.  If you do something for 21 days in a row, it is supposed to become something that you do all of the time, or if you quit something for 21 days in a row you are supposed to get rid of that habit.  While I am positive that on April 5th I will enjoy a popcorn breakfast, a Dorito lunch and nachos for dinner, I am hoping I do use food to handle emotions as much anymore.

I am excited to hopefully have a productive week.  I often get a case of the Mondays very quickly that lasts until the middle of Thursday.  This week is going to be different though.  This week I am focusing on God more than I have in awhile.  I am going to see Him in every aspect of my life and thank Him for His part in it.

*Quote by John F. Kennedy

It is easy to replace those things that are given up for Lent.  I gave up chips and popcorn, but have quickly realized that many other things can fill the hole I feel.  For example, crackers with melted cheese on them, blizzards, cheetos and chex mix all taste almost as good.  Eating these things is not in the spirit of Lent, in fact, it is the exact opposite.

In Exodus 20:23 we are told “Do not make any gods to be alongside me; do not make for yourselves gods of silver or gods of gold.”  Gods of silver OR gold.  When God commands us to not make gold gods, we try them in silver.  By eating too much when I feel bad, no matter what it is, I am replacing God with an idol.  I am telling him, “thanks anyways for sitting right beside me and holding my hand, but this snack will make me feel better than you ever can.”  How can I continually say that to my God?  Because I am human.  Full of sin and selfishness.

While today I ate too much, tomorrow I get another chance.  I have still kept my promise to God about not eating certain foods, but I have not kept that promise as well as I should have.  I will go to bed tonight praising Him for the fact that I have the option to eat too much and asking His forgiveness for letting Him down.

Tomorrow I will wake up, praise Him, and fulfill my promise better than I did today.  And as that sinful, frail, disobedient human, I will let Him walk along beside me while I do.

I am pretty sure that God is teach me some things these last few days.  One is patience and the other is to start talking to Him more.  He is doing so in the most annoying way.  God is saying, “HEY AMBER!  TALK TO ME!” by slowing down every single car that is driving in front of me to no more that the speed limit, and often incredibly less.  He knows how much I hate that, and how much it makes me want to rear end them with my beautiful Jeep.  He also knows that I will not.  Instead, I will say, “FINE GOD!  I AM HERE! Please make these cars go faster!  No? You won’t?  Fine, I will talk to you anyways.”

I do not talk with God as much as I should.  As much as I do not like this, I go through phases.  For weeks (or sometimes like two days in a row) I will talk to Him on my way to work or in the shower or someplace that I am a lot.  I tell Him what I want in life, how it isn’t happening in MY time.  I thank Him for the amazing sunset that I am driving into or the husband who loves me so much.  But then life gets busy and I forget again.

Justin keeps teasing me about my Lenten changes.  He talks about eating popcorn and making nachos.  He says that I shouldn’t act like I am Catholic if I’m not.  This is all in good fun and it really doesn’t bother me.

It doesn’t bother me because I have talked with my God at least 12 times in the last couple of days.

*Quote by Evan Esar.